Prime Time

Called before the Supreme Court

2008-05-08T14:40:00.000-05:00

I am Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots, and since my declaration as Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator’s choice as vice president as he runs for president of the United States, I have been called before the Supreme Court in Washington DC.

“The Supreme Court?” Ironhide asked. “What’s that?”

I quickly explained the three branches of government and separation of power.

“Oh, I get it now,” he replied. “So there’s legislative, executive, and judicial just like we have transformation circuits, transformation cogs, and transformation linkages. Separate but equal.”

“Yes,” I nodded. “Something like that.”

“The president is in the Executive Branch, does that mean the vice president is as in the executive branch as well, Prime?”

“Of course, old friend,” I replied. “Even if the current vice president will not admit to it, it’s right there in the constitution.”

“Interesting,” Ironhide replied.

“I need to go testify as to my status as a citizen of the United States,” I said. “My only problem is that I do not consider myself much of a lawyer. As an Autobot, I prefer my battles in front of me; I certainly do not wish to stab somebody from behind as lawyers stereotypically do.”

All of the Autobots nodded in agreement.

“If I may, Optimus.” Perceptor stepped forward.

“What is it, Perceptor, old friend?”

“Perhaps there is one of us here who has the intelligence necessary to be your legal counsel.”

“Of course,” I agreed. Perceptor is our Autobot scientist. He must be smart as he transforms into a microscope. “You would be welcome to speak on my behalf.”

“Oh no, I wasn’t talking about me,” he insisted. “I was talking about Sky Lynx.”

“Sky Lynx, eh?” I rubbed my chin thoughtfully. “Well he certainly thinks he’s smart.”

“Yeah, he thinks he’s all that,” Autobot Jazz added.

“The only problem with this plan is that I send Sky Lynx out into space to check out Sector 7G.” Sometimes I send the more annoying Autobots on missions that are far away, just so I can get a brief reprieve. For instance, I just sent Bumble Bee to the Andes Mountains to scout for any Decepticons in that area. “We’ll have to send a message to Sky Lynx that I require his assistance and perhaps with a little Energon and a lot of luck, we’ll make it through this after all. Aubtobots, transform and roll for Washington DC!”

Candidacy

2008-04-29T22:14:00.005-05:00

Ladies and gentlemen of these United States and peoples of Earth everywhere, I am Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots. Many of you know me yet many of you may yet not understand why I am here.

For millions of years before Earth even supported life, Cybertron was home to the Transformers. I have seen Cybertron’s great golden age and I have led the Autobots through its second golden age. The Autobot’s battle to destroy the evil forces of the Decepticons have brought us here to Earth long, long ago.

As the leader of the Autobots, I understand what it takes to truly lead a great group. Whether one of my charges can transform into a microscope or a little yellow economy car or into something truly useful like an ambulance or construction crane, I understand what needs to be done to stop what is wrong here and now. To fix what needs to be fixed. And though I am a leader, I pledge to follow Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator on this, his momentous journey to the White House.

That is why I, Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots, gladly accept Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator’s selection as his vice presidential running mate. And though it weighs heavily on my transformation circuits why I have been selected now, my logic processors dictate that I do accept this honor. I cannot turn my back on this great nation that has more or less accepted my kind with open arms.

If you are a Decepticon or a Republicon, Megatron or Galvitron, Tripticon or a Neocon, a Democrat or a Ratbat, whether you are in the Green Party or just sporting a new green paint job, If you are a woman named Hillary or if you live near Mount St. Hilary, whether your name is McCain or you can transform into a train, if your name is Obama or if you put your toy of me in a diorama, you shall know this: I am Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots and I will not rest until this country is as great as it can be. Unless I die again, which I don’t plan on happening but one can never know. I figure that if I do die, somehow I’ll just come back at some point any way. Excuse me, my vocal circuits were rambling there for a moment.

In conclusion, all I can say is this: ask not what this country can do for an Autobot, ask what this Autobot can do for this country. I am Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots. I will transform America into the great nation it should be and roll out towards the future. Thank you and good night.

Ironhide

2007-09-10T17:44:00.001-05:00

I am Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots and I had a bit of a rough day today.

I returned from the dead this afternoon and found all of my stuff cleaned out of my room in the Ark. Thinking this was a Decepticon plot, I quickly assembled the Autobots.

"Aw, sorry about that, Prime," Ironhide said when I explained the situation "I thought that you were gone for good and so I cleaned everything out."

All of the Autobots stood there quietly, I think that I heard one of them gasp.

"Ironhide, my old friend," I replied to him. "You of all Autobots should know that death itself cannot stop me. How many times have I died now?"

"I don't know, Prime," he replied. "Five or six, I guess."

"That's right. And by the Matrix, I will come back the next five or six times I die as well. Remember that first time I died? What a day that was."

"So you're not mad at me?" Ironhide asked.

"Of course not, my old friend," I replied. "But I do have an important mission for you."

"What's that?"

"Put everything back in my room the way it was."

Transformer Personality Test

2007-08-29T08:40:00.001-05:00

I am Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots and I cannot believe my optical sensors.

When Autobot Jazz insisted that I start this blog project, he said that there were other "cool" things on this Internet to try out. Today he sent me a Transformers personality test.

"Hey Prime," Autobot Jazz said. "Try this test, man. It's the cat's pajamas!"

I am not sure what night garments for domesticated felines have to do with this test, but I took it nonetheless.

Your Score: Grimlock

You scored 60% Leadership, 46% Loyalty, 31% Confidence, and 7% Cunning!

What to say? You are super loyal and super leadership material. The Decepticons hate you. Your confidence can vary, but only because you are very realistic about your chances. The bad thing is that a big lumbering dino and a brain the size of a peanut don't allow for too much cunning. Oh well, you make up for it with those big nasty teeth.

Link: The Which Transformer Are You Test written by DCExplorer82 on OkCupid, home of the The Dating Persona Test

I could not believe that the results showed that I was Grimlock. Grimlock! Now don't think I am not appreciative of him, he is a fine warrior and an effective leader of the Dinobots, but he is not Optimus Prime. I am Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots and holder of the Matrix of Leadership.

So I thought that perhaps I didn't answer this test correctly and I took it again.

Your Score: Megatron

You scored 50% Leadership, 26% Loyalty, 52% Confidence, and 34% Cunning!

Old school leadership ࠬa bad guy style. You are at the top of your game, and are easily the brains in the group. But be careful, not all are pleased with you. You don't have any qualms knocking off your own kind if it will achieve a common goal. Confidence? Who needs that when you have the scariest gun in the Transformer arsenal? Hell, you ARE the scariest gun in the Transformer arsenal.

Link: The Which Transformer Are You Test written by DCExplorer82 on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Megatron! That is far worse than Grimlock as Megatron is leader of the Decepticons and he engages in evil activites such as creating tidal waves to create Energon cubes and destroying oil refineries to create Energon cubes. Surely I must take this test again.

Your Score: Grimlock

You scored 30% Leadership, 72% Loyalty, 55% Confidence, and 29% Cunning!

Link: The Which Transformer Are You Test written by DCExplorer82 on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Once again, the results indicated that I was Grimlock. I will take Grimlock over Megatron any day, but I get the feeling in my circuits that this test has but two answers.

Omega Supreme

2007-08-27T18:02:00.000-05:00

I am Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots, and I don't know what to do with Omega Supreme.

Omega Supreme, as you know, is our last line of defense. He is a powerful battle station and a giant and mighty warrior. He almost always appears stoic, something the humans call "The strong and silent type."

That's why I don't understand his actions following the latest Decepticon attack. Supreme was holding off a wave of the planes when Rumble ran up and hit his leg with one of his hydraulic pile drivers.

"Time for you to tumble with Rumble, heh heh."

Rumble hit Omega right in the ankle joint and the big guy went down hard. He doesn't seem to be permanently damaged from the battle, but he won't let Ratchet or anyone else look at his ankle. He won't even talk to anyone, he just sits off by himself and sulks.

Hopefully he will snap out of it when next the Decepticons attack.

Working Undercover

2007-08-23T17:21:00.000-05:00

I apologize for my extended absence in the past several days. The Autobots recieved word that the Decepticons were about to hatch a new evil plan in the city but we didn't know what it was.

I had no other choice but to go undercover into the city to try to find out what their scheme was.

"I don't think you should go into the city like this, Prime," my military strategist Prowl advised. "If the Decepticons spot you, you'll never find out what their plans are."

"Nonsense, my old friend," I replied. "I am a Transformer. They will never spot me."

"how about if I go instead," he suggested. "I turn into a police car and can slip around the streets more easily."

"That is a good plan, my friend," I said. "But my mind is made up. I will not rest until the Decepticons are stopped."

Unfortunately, I did not find the Decepticons nor their evil plans. I do not understand why I failed this mission.

Skids

2007-08-13T09:28:00.000-05:00

I am Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots and I am not sure what's going on with Skids.

I knew that the Decepticons were in the city, so I put together a recon force consisting of Bumblebee, Hoist, and Skids to go check it out.

"The city?" Skids said. "No problem, Optimus, I've been meaning to go there to get my chassis cleaned."

"You going to some carwash or something?" Hoist asked. "Maybe I could go as well."

"No, you wouldn't like it there," Skids insisted. "I'll just go there by myself."

"That is the third time this week you said that you were going to get washed," I noted. "Is there something goin on, is there more here than meets my audio receptors?"

"No, no Prime!" Skids exclaimed. "I just want to go get cleaned. There's a lot of dirt around here, you know."

"Well then I want to go," Hoist said. "I get dirty too."

"No really, I'm sure you wouldn't like where I'm going," Skids replied. "They, uh, use really rough bristles."

"Big deal, I can take it." Hoist poked his chest with his thumb. "I'm a big Autobot."

They went on and on like this for another 20 breems until I finally had to tell them to stop. I told Skids to just go to the car wash and Hoist to leave him alone. Hoist complained but they both transformed and rolled out to the city for their assignemnet. Honestly, I don't know what's up with Skids.

Skyfire

2007-08-10T08:32:00.000-05:00

I am Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots and we had quite an unusual occurrence today.

Our headquarters the Ark has been embedded in the side of a volcano for nearly 4 million years. That is quite a long time, even for a Transformer. As you may know, after a few million years, the paint starts to chip and fade. So I asked Skyfire to fly to Planet Depot to pick up some blue paint.

"No problem, Prime," Skyfire responded. "I'll be back in a flash."

Skyfire quickly transformed into his Cybertronian jet mode and flew off to the Planet Depot to pick up the paint.

Unfortunately, it appears that Megatron had similar plans and sent Astrotrain to go pick up a load of red paint from that very same Planet Depot.

They met in the parking lot after picking up their respective loads and attacked each other. They quickly took to the skies and began dogfighting, flying around and around over the planet and firing their weapons in an attempt to shoot the other down. The battle culminated in the two crashing headlong into each other and crashing back to the ground with both the red and blue paint splashing everywhere.

Obviously, both of them are now marooned.

Bumblebee

2007-08-08T10:51:00.000-05:00

I am Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots and I am starting to think that I was a little too harsh on Bumblebee in my earlier post.

Of course, he is the weakest of the Autobots and his ability to fight Decepticons is severely limited. That goes without saying. He has been, however, a valuable member of the Autobots both when we were on Cybertron and now here on Earth.

His value, I have realized, is as a scout. Teaming up with the Human named Spike, Bumblebee has been eager to learn of Earth's customs. Transforming into his car mode, he is able to slip around unnoticed and observe potential Decepticon targets.

Yes, as a scout, Bumblebee is without equal. I am proud to have this Autobot on my team as a scout, scouting hazards and keeping on the lookout for Decepticons. Yes, Bumblebee is very valuable as a scout indeed.

At the DMV

2007-08-05T21:08:00.001-05:00

I went to the DMV today to get my drivers license and after waiting for a long, long time (it seemed even longer than spending 4 million years under a volcano), I finally got the opportunity to drive for the instructor.

He ran me through a checklist of driving maneuvers. Stopping, starting, turning, backing up, turning, parking, stop signs, stop lights, and after what seemed like 40 mega-cycles he told me that I passed the road portion and now had to take the written test.

I had no difficulty with the written test as I was able to memorize the entire rules of the road book through my photoreceptors. I finished quickly and was then instructed to wait for to have my picture taken.

"Wow, like who are you?" I young woman asked me.

"I am Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots," I answered. "I am here to receive a drivers license."

"Oh yeah, I'm totally renewing mine, too," she replied. "My name's Jerrica. Have you been here long?"

"I have been here for 23 breems, though I have to admit it feels much longer."

"Oh yeah, I know what you mean," she said. "It, like, takes forever around here. Oh, and you know what's worse? They take awful photos here. It's outrageous how bad all of my licences have looked. Truly truly truly outrageous."

"I am not worried about that," I answered. "I do not believe that I can take a 'bad photo' as you say."

"Well, good luck," Jerrica said as she got up to take her photo. Minutes later, I saw her take her new licence and then groan audibly.

"Optimus Prime?" the clerk called out.

"I am Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots," I said as I raised my hand.

The clerk instructed me to sit and look at the camera and within a moment, I heard the click of the device. Several Astroseconds later and I am now the proud owner of my own drivers license.

Not a good day

2007-08-03T07:31:00.000-05:00

I am Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots and today was not a very good day.

I led the Autobots into the city today to stop the Decepticons. We bravely fought them off and they quickly flew away, retreating to their undersea base. I then gave the command for the Autobots to transform and roll out.

Evidently, when my trailer flew in to attach itself to me, it rammed through a "mail truck" and two "taxicabs" along the way. Why these vehicles couldn't get out of the way is something I do not understand.

I was then pulled over by one of the city's police officers who asked for my license and registration. "I do not have a license and registration, officer," I said. "I am Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots."

"Well, I don't care if you're the Queen of England, pal," he answered. "In my city, you need a license to drive."

So he gave me a "ticket" and sent me to a place called a "DMV" where I could get a license.

I tell you, nothing like this happened back on Cybertron.

Cough Cough Cough

2007-08-02T08:58:00.000-05:00

I'm not feeling so well today....

I think I caught a virus or something...

Hopefully, I will feel better tomorrow.

Wheeljack and Ratchet

2007-07-31T09:42:00.000-05:00

I am Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots. What a day, Wheeljack and Ratchet were at it again today.

I found them in the Autobot lab fighting over a hydrospanner. They were practically slapping each other, I tell you.

"Aw come on, Optimus," Wheeljack said. "I really need the hydrospanner for my top secret Dinobot project."

"A top secret Dinobot Project, eh Wheeljack?" I replied. "That sounds very interesting. What is it?"

"What? Dinobot project?" he answered. "I didn't say anything about a top secret Dinobot project. Besides, it's top secret."

"Very well, you two are going to have to work this out," I said.

"But Prime," Ratchet whined. "He keeps taking the tools when I'm trying to work here and he never puts them back."

Unbelievable. Even little totbots are programmed with better sharing processes.

"Fine, then I shall choose how you two will share it," I concluded. "Wheeljack, you will get the hydrospanner on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Ratchet, you get it on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays."

Ratchet groaned and Wheeljack managed to sputter "What about Sundays?"

"On Sundays, I'll give the hydrospanner to Ironhide and he can do with it whatever he wants."

"What?" Wheeljack sputtered again.

"But he'll break it!" Ratchet added. "He's got back-end damages in his linkages."

"That is my decision," I crossed my arms. "Unless you two can think of a better way."

"We'll share it!" Wheeljack quickly said.

"Yeah, no problem," Ratchet added.

I tell you, it takes all my wisdom to lead this bunch. All of my wisdom and a lot of patience.

Bumblebee

2007-07-30T07:01:00.000-05:00

I am Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots and let me tell you, being the leader of this group isn't as easy as it looks. Take Bumblebee, for instance. Bumblebee's a nice guy and all, but it seems like he's always there and always underfoot. Do you remember that old Warner Brothers cartoon where the little dog Chester was always hopping around the bigger dog Spike and trying to be his friend and all?

Bumblebee is kind of like Chester.

So we get the alert from Teletrann I that the Decepticons are attacking a hydroelectric dam in an attempt to steal the energy and I give the command for all the Autobots to transform and roll out. We get there and the first person to jump into action was, you guessed it, Bumblebee. He tried tackling Soundwave, who easily kicked him back at us.

I felt really bad for the poor Autobot and so I ordered him to go protect that kid in the yellow helmet and boots. I thought that Bumblebee might be mad that I was keeping him away from the fighting, but he just smiled, saluted, and said "You got it, Optimus." Now I have Bumblebee and some Earth kid hanging around underfoot all the time.

I am Optimus Prime.

2007-07-27T05:35:00.000-05:00

I am Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots. We have been on Earth since our ship the Ark crashed here so long ago. As leader of the Autobots, I am a very busy being, but my comrade Autobot Jazz suggested that I take up this "blog" in order to understand human culture a little better.

"Hey Prime," Autobot Jazz said. "Why don't you start a blog. It's all the rage, man!"

Originally, I was skeptical. Esspecially when Autobot Jazz suggested the title for the blog be "Prime Time." Prime time, as you all surely know, is the block of television programming when the audience levels for viewing are at their highest.

"Aw, no way, Prime," my brave Autobot companion assured me. "The name totally rocks, man. The kids'll dig it!"

Despite my misgivings, I did always want to keep a journal of our adventures. That and maybe post a few recipes. So perhaps this will be a good experience for me.

After that, Autobot Jazz showed me some more of Earth's culture in the form of a musical group called a "rock band."

"They're called Cold Slither. Don't they totally rock, Prime?"

Perhaps I will just stick with the blog.