Called before the Supreme Court

I am Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots, and since my declaration as Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator’s choice as vice president as he runs for president of the United States, I have been called before the Supreme Court in Washington DC.

“The Supreme Court?” Ironhide asked. “What’s that?”

I quickly explained the three branches of government and separation of power.

“Oh, I get it now,” he replied. “So there’s legislative, executive, and judicial just like we have transformation circuits, transformation cogs, and transformation linkages. Separate but equal.”

“Yes,” I nodded. “Something like that.”

“The president is in the Executive Branch, does that mean the vice president is as in the executive branch as well, Prime?”

“Of course, old friend,” I replied. “Even if the current vice president will not admit to it, it’s right there in the constitution.”

“Interesting,” Ironhide replied.

“I need to go testify as to my status as a citizen of the United States,” I said. “My only problem is that I do not consider myself much of a lawyer. As an Autobot, I prefer my battles in front of me; I certainly do not wish to stab somebody from behind as lawyers stereotypically do.”

All of the Autobots nodded in agreement.

“If I may, Optimus.” Perceptor stepped forward.

“What is it, Perceptor, old friend?”

“Perhaps there is one of us here who has the intelligence necessary to be your legal counsel.”

“Of course,” I agreed. Perceptor is our Autobot scientist. He must be smart as he transforms into a microscope. “You would be welcome to speak on my behalf.”

“Oh no, I wasn’t talking about me,” he insisted. “I was talking about Sky Lynx.”

“Sky Lynx, eh?” I rubbed my chin thoughtfully. “Well he certainly thinks he’s smart.”

“Yeah, he thinks he’s all that,” Autobot Jazz added.

“The only problem with this plan is that I send Sky Lynx out into space to check out Sector 7G.” Sometimes I send the more annoying Autobots on missions that are far away, just so I can get a brief reprieve. For instance, I just sent Bumble Bee to the Andes Mountains to scout for any Decepticons in that area. “We’ll have to send a message to Sky Lynx that I require his assistance and perhaps with a little Energon and a lot of luck, we’ll make it through this after all. Aubtobots, transform and roll for Washington DC!”

Candidacy

Ladies and gentlemen of these United States and peoples of Earth everywhere, I am Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots. Many of you know me yet many of you may yet not understand why I am here.

For millions of years before Earth even supported life, Cybertron was home to the Transformers. I have seen Cybertron’s great golden age and I have led the Autobots through its second golden age. The Autobot’s battle to destroy the evil forces of the Decepticons have brought us here to Earth long, long ago.

As the leader of the Autobots, I understand what it takes to truly lead a great group. Whether one of my charges can transform into a microscope or a little yellow economy car or into something truly useful like an ambulance or construction crane, I understand what needs to be done to stop what is wrong here and now. To fix what needs to be fixed. And though I am a leader, I pledge to follow Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator on this, his momentous journey to the White House.

That is why I, Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots, gladly accept Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator’s selection as his vice presidential running mate. And though it weighs heavily on my transformation circuits why I have been selected now, my logic processors dictate that I do accept this honor. I cannot turn my back on this great nation that has more or less accepted my kind with open arms.

If you are a Decepticon or a Republicon, Megatron or Galvitron, Tripticon or a Neocon, a Democrat or a Ratbat, whether you are in the Green Party or just sporting a new green paint job, If you are a woman named Hillary or if you live near Mount St. Hilary, whether your name is McCain or you can transform into a train, if your name is Obama or if you put your toy of me in a diorama, you shall know this: I am Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots and I will not rest until this country is as great as it can be. Unless I die again, which I don’t plan on happening but one can never know. I figure that if I do die, somehow I’ll just come back at some point any way. Excuse me, my vocal circuits were rambling there for a moment.

In conclusion, all I can say is this: ask not what this country can do for an Autobot, ask what this Autobot can do for this country. I am Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots. I will transform America into the great nation it should be and roll out towards the future. Thank you and good night.